Finally, after all these years, the perfect relationship has finally been found. It is important to recognize these warning signs before it's too late. Assuming that he will eventually change and open up to your hobbies is misguided. But anyone who has been working for a couple of years and still lives with his mother past this age is never going to grow up. The alternative is waking up one day down the road divorced with five kids and fifty thousand dollars in debt, watching re-runs of "Honey Boo Boo" on Nick at Nite. But the truth is, as much as we often ignore the warning signs of a potentially bad relationship early on in the dating process, these issues don't go away. So, instead of jumping into that long-term relationship with a man you suspect may be wrong for you, let's take a look at fifteen types of guys to avoid getting into long-term relationships with in the first place. The I-get-increasingly-less-romantic-with-each-date guy. Many men break out all the stops early on in the dating process, but by the fifth of sixth date, the laziness starts to creep in.
I mention this for two reasons: 1) Scripture seems not just to encourage, but to assume that part of the growth into biblical manhood is to seek marriage, so this is a biblical goal; and 2) easily the biggest complaint that I and others who advocate this approach get from godly Christian women is that .
If you're still in school or not out on your own, disregard this for the moment. Your intentions and your feelings, to the extent that you can discern them and it is appropriate for you to share them, should be clear.
Third, once you decide that you are ready to date, look to God's Word to decide the kind of person to date, and evaluate potential dating partners on those criteria, rather than relying primarily on the world's treatment of ideas like "attraction" and "chemistry." I wrote at some length on this in my article, "Brother, You're Like a Six." For you busy singles with time for only one mildly irritating column per day, the summary is this: Pick a potential dating partner with an eye toward godly manhood and womanhood — with an eye toward who would make a good husband or wife, defined by those characteristics esteems in His Word, not the ones Hollywood likes.
See what an unsatisfying bumper-sticker treatment that was? Among the different roles assigned to men and women in the Bible, men are assigned the role of leadership. This is not a signal of male superiority or of the greater importance of men.
He's cute, fun, smart and you can't stop thinking about him. These are signs that he will likely be very cheap throughout the duration of the relationship. There is a difference between loving sports and having a childish obsession with them. If he truly cares about you, his good behaviors will grow stronger. Anyone, regardless of gender, who asks for help paying bills early on in a relationship should raise red flags. By paying for him early on, you are setting the tone that it will be this way for your entire future. Some men with no ambition whatsoever like to talk up a good game, but at the end of the day, they are just saying what they know women want to hear. Some men may not like being tied down to a phone, but responding to your text messages or phone calls shouldn't be annoying; it's common courtesy and respect.
You're already three steps ahead of the game, mentally planning weddings, children and that giant house with the white picket fence. While many men may seem ideal after just a few weeks of dating, upon closer inspection, there can be warning signs that you should avoid a relationship with this person. Dating someone who refuses to do anything new makes for a long-term relationship that is both boring and one-sided. Those who back down and start getting lazier after having sex for the first time were probably only after one thing to begin with. There is nothing wrong with a guy who wants to grow into a better person, just make sure that he's genuine. The I'm-in-my-late-twenties-or-older-and-still-live-with-my-mother guy. In my book, living at home up until age 25 is acceptable, provided the guy was going through schooling or saving up money.
What does this actually look like in a budding relationship between two people?
First, the man should initiate asking the woman out.
Clearly, this is not the popular secular view of the "liberated" woman's role.
Hollywood's perfect woman runs with the boys, knows what she wants and is aggressive en route to getting it — especially romantically. "What if I'm really interested in a man and he just isn't getting it and I need to move him along? When men drop the ball on leadership (as we often do), it presents a temptation for the woman involved to pick up the reins and lead for him. Picking up the reins sets a terrible pattern that only confuses the roles in the relationship and encourages both of you to take the role of the other to the detriment of the relationship and ultimately the marriage. If it doesn't work out with a particular guy because he didn't step up, the Lord will cause something else to work out.
If you're not ready to marry, you're not ready to date.