We said we would take it up when the divorce was complete, and the house was sold. They even had another baby after we had our relationship.” I don’t know the two (or three) people in that relationship, but what happened was not an ‘imminent’ divorce.
Then: Dan, you don’t want to date the married, so don’t. Half the men who re-nup do so in about three years—leaving little time to bound at all once you factor in time to meet, court, and commit.
Given your run of luck, I’m fully behind your idea to request proof of Freedom. But heaven or hell could be in this man’s details, details to which you aren’t yet privy. About 70% of remarriages where both parties already have kids fail from Stress.
Should I have one coffee date and see what I think? Eventually, we told them, and about 2 years later our divorce was final…..[He also] knew that it would take me time to re-enter the workforce after having been a stay at home mom to our children, and that after we were divorced I would have no health insurance…
) First off, why are many people so eager to date before they’re divorced—sometimes to the point of hiding their still-married status?
Some may be offended, but you needn’t attract the whole world, just one (literally) single match. He could be lying or unclear about his intentions to divorce; you could be wife-bait; the divorce could drag on for years. Starting a relationship during a divorce, when you both have kids and you don’t know the risks/circumstances, is just (warning, technical term coming) cra-cra.
Think about how Stressful your own divorce was; now imagine yourself in *someone else’s*, where you have even less control and high odds you won’t be Priority #1: “….having to “be there” for anyone else only made my problems seem worse, and made it a lot harder for me to function just day to day.
I needed to be there 100% for the kids and myself, and new romantic partners, whether they know it or not, are just as needy as a new pet.
You have to have the time and energy (and inclination) to work at a relationship. If you were madly in love, knew his circumstances better and felt good about them, the divorce was definitely finalizing soon, and somehow you’d found ways to mitigate the Stress, then I might advise you differently.
We only lasted a couple more months before the stress of seeing each other while she was still married overwhelmed us….. I just didn’t want to get into the whole “I’m in the process” conversation.
We said we would take it up when the divorce was complete, and the house was sold. They even had another baby after we had our relationship. Well, this relationship flourished and we started dating exclusively.
Perhaps they’re ready for a new commitment, especially if the old one was broken long ago a’ la strangers under one roof.